this post isn't going to be a description about him or his illness it's going to be about the affects of him not being here. It's a big part of my day to day life, everyday I think about him and everything reminds me of him.
I don't think some people know what it's like to try and adjust to life without somebody who was a massive part of your life.
I'm sure anyone who's lost someone in their family will relate to this.
there's constant reminders of the gap that he's left.
every time I go to set the dinner table I have to remember there's only 3 of us now and I always feel shitty when I accidentally lay 4 places instead of 3.
whenever I go to call my mum/my sister/ anyone with a surname with the letter 'W' I am reminded that I will never get to call him to tell him something funny or be silly. I can't bring myself to delete his number.
every time I go anywhere in Burnham and see one of his old friends or customers I always feel bad for reminding them of him.
seeing his old van driving around Eton makes my heart stop every time.
every time i hear a song that he used to like now makes me sad.
at birthday meals it never feels right.
threes a crowd nowadays, I feel that the balance is completely fucked.
I hate it, not everything is peachy apart from Beyonce's bum.
I hate that everything's moved on and people are trying to fill that gap. no one will ever fill it. it's gonna be there forever and I'm going to have to get used to that.
